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IronFist · Joined: 10 Aug 2002 Posts: 4941

Oh, some sunless tanners are ok, and some suck.

The ones that suck streak and come off on your clothes.

The ones that are ok don't streak and tend to not come off on your clothes (altho sometimes they still will).

If you are going to use self tan lotions, here is my protocol:

- avoid any with bronzers. Bronzing will give you instant color, but it will also give instant color to anything it touches, like your clothes, couch, or sheets. And it washes off right away, too. I don't understand the point (maybe to be able to see where you have and haven't applied lotion?). At first I thought it was just in case you needed instant color, but you couldn't possibly go out in public with bronzer on because if anyone or anything touched you, it would streak and come off and get on them.

- I have probably tried 10 different products, and this is the only one I ever bought more than once:

(if the pic doesn't show, it's Coppertone Gradual Tan)

The rest of this protocol will be based on that product.

This one has no bronzer, so you won't really be able to see where you've applied it. This isn't a big deal. You'll be able to feel it. Plus, it's lotion. Just get it all over. You'll be fine.

Begin practicing applications a few weeks before you will "need" to be tan. Even with my awesome guide it will still take some customization and familiarity, and you will probably mess up something your first time and so do it when you're not going anywhere important.

- Exfoliate the day before (that's what they say to do. It's probably a good idea. I never used any exfoliation supplies; I just scrubbed really hard with a washcloth (or you're animal you can use a shingle)).

- Put on latex gloves. Otherwise your hands and palms will absorb a ton of the lotion during the application process and you'll end up looking really goofy.

- ALWAYS ERR ON THE SIDE OF USING TOO LITTLE RATHER THAN USING TOO MUCH

- Be cautious if you apply it to your feet. Foot skin is weird and can absorb lotion at a different rate. Same thing with ankles, knees, and elbows.

- I would usually use one "pump" per limb. This assumes that every bottle is exactly the same and dispenses the same amount. Hopefully you won't get some goofy bottle that puts out way too much (or too little). Well, actually since your legs are (hopefully) bigger than your arms, I would do about .75 pumps per shin and thigh. So .75 pumps, rub it into your left lower leg, another .75 pump, left thigh, repeat for right leg.

- Err on the side of being conservative with the amount you put on your knees. You don't want super dark knees. You can always add more the next day.

- Ok time for your torso. I (think I) used one full pump per 1/3 of the front of my torso. So like this: one pump, do your left pec/collarbone/anterior deltoid up to the bottom of your neck. Stop at the xyphoid process. One more pump, do the same thing but on the right. One more pump, do your abs (from the xyphoid process down). You might need another 1/2 pump. DON'T FORGET YOUR OBLIQUES AREA or you will look damn goofy.

- Now on to the back. I can't remember how much I used for my back because I haven't used this lotion in 3 or so years. You will need some awesome shoulder flexibility to do your back yourself. Lower back is easy. Upper back (trap area) is easy. Everything in between is not. Practice in the mirror and see what areas you can and can't reach. Chances are you can reach most areas but you might have to use the edge of your hand rather than your palms to apply it there. Or just ask someone to do it for you.

- on to the arms. Arms are easy. One pump per arm. Don't forget your shoulders.

And that's where I would stop. I didn't do my neck, and I would rarely do my face just because a) your face always gets sun anyway and b) I was afraid of messing up and getting streaks on my face (altho honestly, this product doesn't streak too badly compared with most).

- Alright, at this point you need to take the gloves off and do your hands. Use about 1/4 pump and rub it around over the BACKS of your hands and fingers. Careful of your knuckles. For some reason, the only place I ever got streaks was on my hands. You will learn what works and what doesn't work for your hands here. I have bony-ass fingers so you may need to apply it a different way.

Now, if you're not a disgusting human being and you actually wash your hands throughout the day and after you use the bathroom, you will notice that the color does tend to wash off your hands. So when I was using this lotion, I would reapply it on my hands every night or every other night, but I would only reapply it to my body every 5-7 days.

So now you've got it all applied and you're smelling like tanning lotion (it's not bad, don't worry). I would always do it at night about an hour before I went to bed. I would then go play online or something wearing only my boxers, and being careful not to lean back in my chair. The lotion doesn't really stain, but I didn't want it on my chair anyway. So make sure you keep good posture. After about an hour, I'd go to bed (I don't think it stains sheets... my sheets were always dark blue during the time period I was using this lotion, tho). You won't notice anything until the following morning. The first time I ever used it I was checking on myself in the mirror every 5 minutes wondering when it would take effect. Just go to bed.

The next morning TAKE A SHOWER. You will smell like tanning lotion. There will be a bit of residual feeling all over your body and you'll want to wash it off. Go look in the mirror; you're probably much tanner than you were the night before. Congratulations, you're self-tanned. Just take a normal shower, the tan won't come off. I mean don't go crazy scrubbing, but don't be afraid to wash yourself.

That's all there is to it.

The only time it ever stained my clothes was when I was wearing a white t-shirt and it was really hot or I was sweating really bad (read: most of the summer). For this reason if you're going to work or something ALWAYS wear a white t-shirt under your work shirt. I mean you should do this anyway to protect your nice dress shirts from sweat, but just in case you don't want your nice work clothes being stained.

I used to go to the pool in my apartment a few times a week with this self-tanner on and it never came off in the water. Well, actually once it did, but I didn't put it on right. My friend was like "dude why is your tan coming off?" and I was like "SHUT YOUR FACE, BITCH!" and I grabbed him by the arm and threw him out of the pool, over the fence, and across the street into the field.

The effects of this self-tanning lotion are magnified if you have an actual tan underneath it. I'm about as pale as one can be without being a redhead or an albino, and when I was going to the pool a lot and using this lotion I would actually get comments on how dark I was (something I'd never heard before, as I spent most of my youth being teased for being so pale).

Oh, my final advice would be since it's winter, just practice on your legs one day. That way if you totally mess up, who cares, because no one is going to see your legs anyway. Once you get confident with the application, do your arms and torso.

/IronFist's self-tanning guide
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IronFist = ironman from the old AE.

"If you like metal you're my friend" - Manowar

sennfan · Joined: 08 Feb 2008 Posts: 134

Epic post. That one should go in the archives. With some cliff's notes attached at the top.

MuscleTrainee · Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:42 pm Post subject:

Now, that's impressive! Very Happy

Although, I have to admit that I like being a ghostly pale white. It sort of reminds me what a bad boy I was, back when I was tanning twice per week, and I got a malignant melanoma on my back. banging head